When Retirement Can Be a Dead End

I never thought about retirement in a negative way. Everyone always dreams of retiring . No more getting up early to do the daily grind. No more commuting back and forth to a place you spend more time at than with your family. The novelty may wear off after a while and then reality sets in: You no longer have a purpose.

In a recent blog I shared insight from Rick Warren's Purpose-Driven Life. Although the book talks about our God-given abilities and how to use them to make an impact in the world, it does not talk about the psychological deficits of losing your purpose. My husband is coming up to four years retired from the fire service this November. Yesterday he did not have a good day as he shared with me that he seems to have lost his way. Life after the fire service had been going well up until now. He had finally got his sleeping patterns back on track and completed jobs around the house, but something was missing.

Rick Warren discusses the acronym S.H.A.P.E (Spiritual Gifts, Heart, Abilities, Personality and Experience). This custom combination of capabilities sets one up for a calling that is meaningful and full of purpose. My husband had that: Actually almost 32 years where he poured his heart and soul into helping others as a career Fire Fighter. Although his career experiences were not optimal and resulted in a PTSD diagnosis he loved his job. What he is struggling with most is the loss of his identity. As a retired firefighter, or any first responder for that matter, your identity is attached to your calling. Some of the skills are transferable and can be applied to other areas, but they would be soft skills such as leadership and team work. The hard skills such as fire suppression and emergency first aid dwindle away never to be used again. You have to retire as a firefighter at 60 years. There are no opportunities to be a senior employee in this profession.

As a Life Coach I used active listening skills when discussing this with my husband. I showed compassion and empathy, but then the task-oriented person took over because I wanted to try and fix the problem. However I realized that it is his problem to fix. My hope is that he will realize that he was not put on this earth to take up space, but to contribute in some way. In what way I am not sure, but the hope is that he can take stock of his gifts, abilities and how hard-wired he is to determine a plan and next steps to make a difference. On average each person possesses 500 - 700 different skills and abilities (Warren, 2008). The question is whether one has the time to figure them out and use them to their potential. When someone has done this for 31+ years it must be so difficult to stop cold turkey. How can one get their identity back?

Each one of us are put on this earth for a reason. Many of us spend years trying to figure out what that reason is and end up missing the clues even though they were staring us right in the face. I wonder if my husband's experience with PTSD has helped him identify how his talents can be better used. I believe we are intentionally put through painful experiences to equip us to serve others. The very experience that one has regretted most in life is the experience one can use to help others (Warren, 2008). However, the number one important point is that you must be willing to share them. To this day my husband continues to be very guarded about his mental wellness. I am the exact opposite and perhaps can be too forward with sharing my experiences, but they are my experiences and that is all I have. I want to help people and it is just how I am wired.

One must have a mission in this world because there are so many people needing help. I recently met a first responder with PTSD who has enhanced her faith in such a way that she now has a new purpose in life. She volunteers at a church and has become an integral part of her church community. This new identity has given her a new sense of purpose in life and you can see it on her face. She is alive! When you are using your God-given talents to help others you are fulfilling your calling. But you must have a plan!

If you have recently retired congratulations and thank you for your service. Take the time you need to rest, recuperate and get your finances in order and then find your new purpose. Do you know what your skill set is? Have a look at your resume. Are there any patterns showing in your skills set? What are your leisure interests, passions and desires? What areas do you want to avoid? Volunteer your time in many areas to find out what really speaks to you. If you need to retrain then consider going back to school. Create short term and long term goals for the future. Do you have an accountability partner to help you reach your destination? As a Life Coach I take pride in helping lost people find their purpose. The journey is always going to be different for each individual, but that is the beauty. If you are feeling lost and need to find your purpose in life let me help you by being your accountability partner. Retirement does not have to be a death sentence, but the opportunity for new beginnings and a renewed sense of purpose. Please contact me at www.pollockcoaching.com or pollockcoaching@gmail.com.